“So the king said to me, ‘Why is your face sad though you are not sick? This is nothing but sadness of heart’” (Nehemiah 2:2). Nehemiah was among the people of Israel remaining in the land of Persia after the fall of the Babylonian empire. He held the honorable position of Cupbearer to King Artaxerxes—a position in which he was close to the King and responsible for the provision and safety of his drink. It was the custom of officials in such close proximity to the King to be of a cheerful disposition. This was desirable to the King so as to reflect a spirit of joy under his leadership and to commend his rule to others. But on this occasion, for the very first time, Nehemiah was noticeably sad in the King’s presence. He had heard a report that those remaining in Jerusalem were in distress and suffering reproach. Nehemiah was so visibly distressed that the King asked, “Why is your face sad, since you are not sick? This is nothing but sorrow of heart.” In answer to this question, Nehemiah revealed his heart to the King and said, “May the king live forever! Why should my face not be sad, when the city, the place of my fathers’ tombs, lies waste, and its gates are burned with fire?” (Nehemiah 2:3).

Therefore, fear not to walk with a disposition of righteous honesty in your feelings, for in so doing, you honor God and commend yourself to others. You will be seen as one of true heart and character, one with whom others’ feelings are more safely disclosed. In so doing, you may find the balm of Gilead for your soul, the revelation of friends indeed, and the opportunity to share the burdens of others.

Here we have a call to discernment. King Artaxerxes noticed sadness in the face of Nehemiah. This may not indicate any special discernment on his part, particularly considering that Nehemiah’s sadness was both deep and unusual; but the King did accurately discern Nehemiah’s sadness. There are many hearts weighed down with sorrow, and there are many who walk in need of comfort. Do we realize it? Most often, such sorrow is clear to any who care to look. “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken” (Prov 15:13). We must be careful not to judge according to appearance because our judgments of feelings and emotions are often quite fallible, but we do have a measure of ability to discern, and we are called by God to use it for good.

It is sometimes the case, however, that the deep feelings of the heart are hidden. How often have we thought someone to be doing well only to later find out that it was not so? There may be no fault in our lack of notice, for some, whether purposefully or not, effectively conceal their feelings and emotions. And in many lives the proverb is shown true: “Even in laughter the heart may be in sorrow, and the end of joy may be grief” (Prov 14:13). Therefore we must pray that the God who knows the hearts will help us to discern beyond appearance.

Here we have a call to concern. Many notice the sadness of others, but show little concern for it. To them it may be of little interest, too much effort to explore, or unjustified in their sight. And look at how many gossip about the sorrows and hardships of others but will not lift so much as a finger to help them! Even the more noble sometimes overlook the sadness of others because they have never been in the same valleys. Loving our neighbors as ourselves is the remedy to all such insensitivity, and that means we must have concern. King Artaxerxes understood Nehemiah’s sadness because he looked and sincerely inquired. “Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out” (Prov 20:5). Let us too learn to inquire of others as to their well-being and let us inquire beyond the superficial. But in so doing, let us not force others to speak when they are not prepared to speak or share what they are unable to express. There is a time to every purpose under heaven, and one of those times is a time to be silent. A hug and a prayer may do more than words ever could.

In all this, we have a call to caution. Beware of judging another’s character and integrity in times of severe trial. The most cheerful and joyful of people can be weighed down by circumstance so that they appear to have an undesirable character. The most knowledgeable and wise of people can make statements in the valley of sorrow that contradict their very beliefs and personal testimony. Job was a righteous man, but he was a man in whose life these are shown true. Judge not then before the time, and remember that the difference between you and the downcast is the providence of God.

Dear friend, are you the person in sadness? Despair not. Seek the face of God, for He promises His people that those who mourn shall be comforted. If His providence has caused you sorrow, turn not your heart to rebellion, but as Nehemiah, seek His help in humble submission. You will find Him to be gracious. You will find that what appears to be a sword drawn against you is a pruning hook by which your fruit may abound. The sorrows of life that you face are a schoolmaster unequaled in regard to ability to mold your heart—if you will but let them. A proper dealing with grief in your life will prove that “Sorrow is better than laughter, for by a sad countenance the heart is made better” (Eccl 7:3). If the King noticed Nehemiah’s sadness, will not the King of Kings much more notice you? Therefore, trust in the Lord. Pour out your heart to Him. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Phil 4:6-7).

Above all, remember Christ. He was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. In His humanity, He was subjected to the same sorrows and trials that we face. He was unashamed to disclose His emotions to others, even in His greatest hour of trial where He said, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death” (Matt 26:38). He went about doing good and healing those oppressed in spirit. Therefore, let us find in Him the One who is perfectly qualified to bear our burdens, and let us imitate Him in helping others.