The term “man” here, as in many of the proverbs, is not intended to distinguish between male and female, but is representative of both. We read elsewhere in the Proverbs of the virtuous woman on whose tongue is “the law of kindness” (Prov 31:26), and life itself makes it evident that kindness is part of the essence of true womanhood. Few things are more disturbing than to see a woman who lacks the fruit of kindness, for no other virtue in her can substitute for it. In this sense the proverb applies equally to all, and God is no respecter of gender in His standards of morality. But it is often true that men are deficient in kindness in comparison to women, and, therefore, the proverb has particular application to men. We will consider the proverb in this second sense.

The word translated “kindness” is a comprehensive term that also encompasses the qualities of loyalty, mercy, and faithfulness. Such kindness, in its proper extent, is the fruit of a renewed heart through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit (Gal 5:22). Though seeds of it are found in the unconverted, it is only by the common grace and influence of God, who is the wellspring of all that is good. The quality of kindness here is intended as affecting all areas of conduct; it is to be desired in every part of the life of a man. Let us, however, consider some specific areas of life where this will particularly apply. “What is desirable in a man is his kindness.”

-This will apply to friendships. A true friend is one with whom the deepest feelings and desires in life can be shared. Whether in the valleys of sorrow or on the peaks of joy, a true friend sticks closer than a brother. And what marks a true friend? It is his kindness. How often the tenderness and kindness of a friend has lifted the downcast and comforted the brokenhearted. We see the opposite in Job’s friends, who forgot kindness and mercy, causing Job to complain, “For the despairing man, there should be kindness from his friend” (Job 6:14). And is such kindness required only in the hardships of life? Should not a friend always show kindness? Should not a friend be kind in ordinary circumstances? Or in times of disagreement? Or difficulty? Should he not consider his friend better than himself? As we see in Jonathan-he had not only a love for David but also a willingness to give David the preeminence. He encouraged David as the anointed for the throne though by birthright it belonged to him; and David, after Jonathan’s death, sought to show the same kindness to anyone left in Jonathan’s house (2 Sam 9:3). “A friend loves at all times” (Prov 17:17).

-This will apply to marriage. There are few things more needful to the spiritual and emotional health of a woman than the kindness of her husband. But how few husbands treat their wives with such kindness! The closeness of marriage, rather than causing men to be especially kind in their dealings with their wives, is used as an excuse to treat their wives with less honor than common acquaintances. And so many men, who appeared to be tender and compassionate when pursuing marriage, prove to be bitterness of soul in marriage. They are full of kindness at the prospect of marriage only to reveal the reality of their hearts after the wedding bells ring. How unlike Christ! As Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her, so the husband is called to sacrificially love his wife. As Christ continues to show love throughout a lifetime of relationship, so also the husband is called to continually nourish his wife in kindness throughout her days. “Husbands love your wives and do not be embittered against them” (Col 3:19).

-This will apply to family relationships. A man’s treatment of his family reveals his character. Why is it that so many family relationships are broken? Why are men often distant from their families? Why do some men provoke their children to wrath? (Eph 6:4). It is for lack of kindness. The degree of kindness shown to mother and father, sister and brother, son and daughter mark the man and his home; so also with his treatment of extended family. A man should have an understanding and sympathetic heart toward his family. Words of tenderness and kindness should always be on his lips. As Joseph, he should overlook offenses and be quick to provide for his family. Fathers, as Isaac, should speak words of blessing to their children, always seeking the goodness of God on their behalf. Young men should be clothed with kindness toward parents and grandparents, seeking to demonstrate God’s love to them. No matter which relationship, kindness is among the greatest of blessings that a man brings to his family.

-This will apply to business. In a society where success and profit have become gods, where is the man of kindness? Where is the man who cares more for the glory of God and the good of his fellow man than for his pursuits in business? Where is the man who considers the interests of others in his dealings? It is wonderful to see the man whose business dealings are clothed with kindness and truth. When Ruth happened into the field of Boaz, he instructed his reapers not only to allow Ruth to glean what had fallen to the ground, but to intentionally drop some of the harvest for her so that she might have an abundance (Ruth 2:15-16). In so doing, he went beyond the minimum requirement of God’s law. False scales and a lying tongue in business are an abomination to the Lord, but the man of kindness is His delight. So let our business dealings honor God through the demonstration of kindness toward others.

-This will apply to leadership. The smile of the King is life to his people, and kindness is desirable in leaders at all levels. How we desire to be treated with kindness by those who exercise authority over our lives! It is distressing to be under the authority of a man who is unkind, and men who are in positions of leadership, though they may have the strength for leadership, lead poorly if they know little of kindness. Much as Rehoboam, they place a burden upon the people that is hard to bear, not realizing that those under them would better serve under the law of kindness (1 Kings 12:6-14). God bestows all positions of leadership (Rom 13:1) and demands that those who would lead know what it is to be kind. Similarly, Pastors are called of God to shepherd the people of God, not as lords over them, but as examples (1 Pet 5:1-3), showing them the kindness that marks the true man of God. In every sphere of life in which leadership and authority are exercised, the law of kindness is desirable in a man.

-This will apply to providential encounters and relations. Who was a true neighbor to the wounded man on the road to Jericho? It was the Samaritan who showed him kindness (Luke 10:30-37). Who is the one practicing pure and undefiled religion? It is the one who visits those in their distress (James 1:27). If even the pagan natives of Malta showed Paul kindness (Acts 28:2), how much more should we, having God’s truth, be kind toward our fellow man? We are called of God to show kindness in any and every providential encounter and relationship. And if this applies to our dealings in general, is it not especially so in the church? “Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do” (Col 3:12).

-This applies uniquely to Christ. Is there any man who has perfectly demonstrated kindness in all his ways? -None but Christ. Christ showed kindness to the downcast and to the needy, to the rebellious and to the lost, to His family and to His disciples. In His reign in heaven, He showers kindness upon His people is kind to ungrateful and evil men (Luke 6:35). He is the fullness of kindness, the perfect example for His people and the only Savior for the lost. Let us, therefore, look to Christ as our pattern and our redeemer. Let us find in Him our strength and help to walk in the kindness of God. Let us find our comfort in Him who says, “‘for the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but My kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,’ Says the Lord, who has mercy on you.” (Is 54:10).